I was sexually assaulted by a friend in 1981. Up until 4 years ago, I never dealt with the rape.

At the time, I had been in therapy for about a year and when I began having nightmares about the incident, I decided to talk to my therapist about it. I told him what had happened. He suggested that I contact the Sexual Assault Resource and Counseling Center and speak to someone there. I called the hotline that very evening and the next day I was contacted by an intake counselor.

She invited me to a group meeting that was meeting that evening. I felt a little apprehensive about going the first time. I had never spoken to anyone about this—-except for one person after it happened. From that time on, I could not deal with it. It might have been because it was a friend who violated me. Looking back on it now, I think it was mainly because I was ashamed. How could this happen to me? This was someone I had trusted my whole life.

At the time, there was no agency to go to for guidance. A week after it happened I tried to commit suicide. I guess that I really didn’t want to die because I am sitting here today. Over the years, the rape has caused me to turn to drugs and alcohol to suppress all of the bad feelings that go along with it. I needed to suppress feelings of fear just to survive a normal male/female relationship. Today I am a recovered addict, having 3 years of sobriety.

The support organization has given me the chance to meet with other survivors and discuss problems that surround a sexual assault. The 24-hour hotline has been a "lifesaver" many times--—one example would be when I cannot sleep at night because of the horrific nightmares and I need someone to help me process it or when I just need someone to talk to and tell me everything is going to be alright. During the past 4 years I have spearheaded our small support group to "publishing" two pamphlets that contained writings that we wrote. They were made available for the annual "Take Back the Night" project. I have spoken to many people about my own recovery in the hopes that it will help others who might find themselves or a loved one in the same situation. There is never too much we can try to do to "Stop the violence."