I had no clue.

I have always been sensitive, caring, and in touch with my "feminine side." But I had no clue.

I’ve been married to the same women since we were 19 in a vibrant, loving, respectful relationship but I still didn’t have a clue.

My wife is an adult survivor of child molestation and my daughter was also molested as a child and raped at 15 but I still didn't understand.

I had no consciousness of the depth of trauma created by men's violence against women until my daughter became a survivor and I had to deal with her irrational and violent reactions.

The greatest addition to my understanding came with my participation in our rape crisis counselor training class that my wife and I attended together. I finally realized that more than 1/2 of the human race lives in constant fear of the other half. I see the common thread connecting men's violence against women to racism, pollution, poverty and so on.

I also see the focus for me, the greatest need. Women have stood up, screaming to be heard, and announcing that men's violence against women is real and wrong. They've worked tirelessly to create institutions to stop the bleeding and expose the wounds to public view.

Now the perpetrators must become visible. Men must acknowledge that this is their creation, their Frankenstein, their responsibility to end. Most men don't rape but most men contribute to the continuation of the culture that foments rape.

Most men don't have a clue.

I'm working to create an organization here in the inland southern California area similar to mencanstoprape.org in Washington D.C. which works with young men to teach them an alternate view of masculinity, of what it means to be a man. I continue to work with the rape crisis center on the hotline and as an advocate for survivors and significant others. It is the most human work I have ever done outside of my family.

I continue to get clues.