My story is not all that unique. I am a victim of physical, mental, and sexual abuse. The man I was dating for 8 years of my life inflicted all of which upon me. In the beginning, everything seemed normal. Everything flowed. He was divorcing; I was never married. And, he had a child I adored. Then, as time passed, I became an object. I was no longer his girlfriend. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. Once the ring was on my finger I was marked, owned and expectations became heavy.

There were many, many nights I did not want to have sex with him for various reasons. Most of those nights either ended in my being raped or beaten. And here I was, engaged to marry this man. Scared to leave for so many reasons. Young. And slowly falling deep into depression, an eating disorder, and a self-loathing that lead me to a suicide attempt. Never once did I tell anyone what was happening to me. Everyone loved my fiancé so much. He was the 'perfect man' to everyone we knew. The bruises and cuts... all covered up with make-up and clothing, so no one would ask questions especially his young son. I put on the 'happy mask' for everyone... even myself at times. But I relished my time alone in ways I knew weren't healthy. I relished them because I knew as long as I was alone he wouldn't touch me. I was safe. And no one would see me cry.

For 8 years I stayed with this man. For 5 of those years, I was raped and abused. Then one day... something happened.

I refused to answer his usual morning phone call. I don't know why. Something just snapped in me. I locked the front door to my house, as we were still not living together, and closed all my shades. The phone rang again and again. I turned the ringer off. He showed up, and banged on my door. I didn't answer.

After a day of having no contact with him, I began to think. Hard. And I made plans to go on a vacation... away from everything, where I could really think.
I met a wonderful person on that vacation. We had been friends for some time via email, but had never had the chance to meet in person. I wasn't allowed to have 'male' friends. But I made the plans, and left anyways. I stayed clear away from my fiancé, as I knew if he came anywhere near me, I would be beaten till I cancelled the trip.

It was while I was on my vacation that I had a total nervous breakdown. Everything fell down on me like a ton of bricks. I realized... I COULD get away. I could stop what was happening to me. There was nothing to fear. But... I was deathly afraid to go home. I missed my bus, in fact.

So my friend drove me home. And supported me every step of the way. It was time to leave my fiancé. It was time to make a change. My eyes were wide open. And so... that is exactly what I did.

It's been 2 years now. I lost many friends when I left my ex. Some didn't believe I left him for the reasons I did. Others simply didn't want to 'take sides', so they severed contact with us both. My family still doesn't know the entire story, and I've left it that way for many reasons. They knew very well something was going on. I didn't NEED to tell them, and. they have supported my every decision on the entire situation.

While I still struggle with the damage my ex did to me, I am stronger now than I ever have been in my life. I no longer hate myself. I no longer live in shadows. And I no longer think that there's no way out.

You can CHANGE your situation. You CAN be free. You CAN make a difference.